Maybe next year? Breaking down the ‘Puh-leeze’ Division of NHL’s non-playoff teams

Hope springs eternal in the summer for NHL fans who haven’t watched their team play since early April.

Could 2024-25 be the season that one of the non-playoff teams from 2023-24 make the postseason?

In a four-part series, we examine the non-playoff teams from last season and whether they have improved enough to give their fans hope they’ll play beyond early April.

We’ve put the 16 teams in four tiers — the Long National Nightmare Division, Groundhog Day Division, Scratch-off Division and our bottom tier, the “Puh-leeze” Division, where we begin.

The ‘Puh-leeze’ Division

When someone suggests one of these teams could make the playoffs, respond with “puh-leeze” and a smile.

16. San Jose Sharks | 2023-24: 19-54-9, 47 points, 32nd in the NHL

The Sharks improved enough so blue-chip forward prospects Macklin Celebrini (2024 first overall pick) and Will Smith (2023 fourth overall pick) aren’t walking into a shark tank. Plus, the additions of forwards Tyler Toffoli, Alex Wennberg, Barclay Goodrow, Klim Klostin and Ty Dellandrea will at least make the Sharks watchable.

But the Sharks, who were comically bad last season, have a thin defense and goaltending so suspect that one still can make a case this is the NHL’s worst team. All this adds up to a probable Year 1 mulligan for new coach Ryan Warsofsky, who’s in his first NHL head-coaching gig.

Unless Celebrini and Smith are instantly elite, San Jose won’t sniff the postseason.

15. Calgary Flames | 2023-24: 38-39-5, 81 points, 24th

Calgary spent much of the offseason deconstructing its roster and creating roster spots for young, promising players. But those guys are hardly blue-chip prospects.

Calgary added size and grit in defenseman Kevin Bahl (6-foot-6 and 230 pounds) and savvy in center Ryan Lomberg, but subtracted goal scoring and goal suppression in dealing winger Andrew Mangiapane, defenseman Noah Hanifin and goaltender Jakob Markstrom. Typically, it’s not a winning recipe to mix aging, struggling veterans with non-blue chip prospects and questions in goal.

Seriously though, Connor Bedard is way too good at changing the angle on the release.

Its all so casual.

26 goals, 59points over his current 26-game streak pic.twitter.com/lzfAmUcITn

— Cam Robinson (@Hockey_Robinson) December 3, 2022

14. Chicago Blackhawks | 2023-24: 23-53-6, 52 points, 31st

Is it finally time for Chicago to leave the basement?

There’s some reason for optimism, but the reality is that a generational talent (center Connor Beddard) probably still isn’t enough to get them to the playoffs this season.

Wingers Teuvo Teravainen and Tyler Bertuzzi add scoring ability and two-way play, but those guys will play way too high in the lineup. The return of winger Taylor Hall from ACL surgery is also useful, but Chicago’s additions on defense of T.J. Brodie (from Toronto) and Alec Martinez (from Vegas) are more about what they add off the ice than on.

13. Columbus Blue Jackets | 2023-24: 27-43-12, 66 points, 29th

It’s hard to be anything other than bearish on the Blue Jackets, mainly because it’s difficult to see reuniting Sean Monahan and Johnny Gaudreau having an impact. There are reasons to like the Dean Evason hire as head coach — he gave a suspect Minnesota team a jolt after its dual buyouts of Zach Parise and Ryan Suter.

However, it’s difficult to see the cumulative effect of Evason, Monahan and internal growth being enough to get Columbus into the race in the Metropolitan Division.

If you’re looking for hope, the back-to-back offseasons of the Jackets adding NHL-caliber players are big positives. But Columbus is coming off such a deeply chaotic and dysfunctional season that it’s hard to know what from last season, if anything, is worth keeping around and what should be tossed.

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